Shamanic initiation & possibility of redemption

Antistar211 3 hours ago (edited)

I think I might have had some shamanic initiation but I am not entierly sure. I am sure that I have not the same background as you. Most people don't. I came into contact with someone who had totally different expierence from mine and I suspect from most people as well. I went looking for expierences that out of the norm and some of the things I expierenced made me anxious. If I doubted the expierences of these individuals I would try and find an authority to give me another explanation. I found the authorities explanation to be lacking. This created a great deal of anxiety. I find it very very difficult to find satisfactory explanations in the mainstream. I am stuck. Like the tight rope walker in Thus Spoke Zarathustra I am not sure if I have made it across or gone under. Prior to those expierences I Felt whole but at the moment I am not to sure.

What do you think? Am I making any sense?

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Shamanic initiation & possibility of redemption

Jennifer Armstrong 5 seconds ago

+Antistar211 I understand it completely.
It is very difficult because you do need to make yourself whole again, which in modernity is pretty hard to do. Either that, or in effect you will actually "go under". (And even when you do make yourself whole, it is very difficult to stay whole in a society where everybody disagrees with you and some will take pot shots.) To become whole is the most difficult thing. During the time you are crossing the wire or the bridge, you must be able to innovate and take on any mask that is offered you, no matter how repulsive. But after that, one still is not whole unless one has cleansed oneself. These projections that one has experienced during the difficult crossing are not the same as oneself, and if one does not cleanse oneself, one is not yet whole. You need to actually weave your own mythology to become whole. I, for instance, am a warrior who is guided by a zebra.

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Shamanic initiation & possibiliy of redemption

Vlog 44 Healing

Jennifer Armstrong2 hours ago

In a way I think I had to be the person punished by my father's vengeful superego for him making a mistake in trusting the construct called "Rhodesia". He felt he had to be punished when that didn't work out, but because he didn't understand the workings of his own mind, he thought I had to be punished, as an externalization of his unowned emotional states.

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Narcissist Free1 hour ago

+Jennifer Armstrong I think you're exactly right Jen.

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Jennifer Armstrong1 hour ago

+Narcissist Free That's why when others attacked me he didn't come to my rescue but expressed his extreme hatred and disgust of me rather.

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Narcissist Free38 minutes ago

+Jennifer Armstrong Exactly.  

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Vlog 44 Healing

In a way I think I had to be the person punished by my father's vengeful superego for him making a mistake in trusting the construct called "Rhodesia". He felt he had to be punished when that didn't work out, but because he didn't understand the workings of his own mind, he thought I had to be punished, as an externalization of his unowned emotional states.

Covert Abuse: Destabilization

When I was first starting to figure out this narcissism thing, I wrote a stream of consciousness story about a father who replaced his son with a dog, without seeming to be able to tell the difference. In fact he killed his son, as a Christian sacrifice, through abandoning him to a dangerous situation and undermining the son's ability to form real relationships. Then he visits the death spot, where the son has died at the hands of others (but in reality as a result of what the father both did and didn't do). He takes notes about the situation, and proclaims it emotionally satisfying. Then he gets a dog and begins calling it by his son's name and proclaiming the virtues of the dog in the same way as he had proclaimed the son's virtues whilst he was alive.

The dynamics of the father daughter war

Success Is Threatening.. or maybe I'm just stubborn

Jennifer Armstrong1 second ago

Narcs never have your back, do they? And that is when you find out suddenly that they were narcs.

Overcome Narcissists with the Information They Hide From You

What they do is take things out of context, which is when they reveal how their minds work. A compliment toward them is turned into an insult in their own minds, and then they take revenge for it. This may even be a compliment in the form of "I think you can help me with this". Somehow that becomes a threat to them, as if you were trying to test them or trip them up. Then they start to shuffle through all the different social skins they can wear to mask their unease. Sometimes, they put on the wrong skin for the identity they had maintaining up until now, which has a ludicrous result.

Practicalities: surviving extreme events

Practicalities: breaking the weapons, or narcissistic spears

THE NARCISSIST LOVES TO SELF-PRAISE - YouTube

THE NARCISSIST LOVES TO SELF-PRAISE - YouTube: "It can be more subtle. For instance, imagine I won a major sports award in 1987, which came from my genuine diligence and application, but it is now 2016 and I am very fat and bloated, watching younger athletes succeed, or at least give it their all, and reflecting on my former glory. The event of 1987 was indeed a very real win, but I'm not the man I used to be back then. All the same, I keep telling myself that this win was more significant than anything that has subsequently happend, and that nobody deserves more respect or consideration than me."



'via Blog this'

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Scapegoats, Political Correctness, Integrity - the importance of resisti...

Scapegoats, Political Correctness, Integrity - the importance of resisti...: One of the very worst things I had to deal with in my life was having trained monkeys constantly repeat to me that I'd had unfair privileges because of where I was born, when this really wasn't at all the case, not in the way they imagined it. The opposite was true. I had been treated with very great strictness and sometimes excessive harshness, because of the culture and circumstances into which I had been born. This was a mild, but constant form of gaslighting, that eventually had its very profound impact in that I just didn't know how to relate to contemporary Westerners at all. My own emotions and memories told me the opposite to what they were insisting on. They had had very mild lives, and easy upbringings, in general, whereas I had not had these things. In trying to make these two opposing realities add up, I concluded that Westerners must be extremely sensitive to mild things, since the range of my own experience, and the harshness of it, was entirely outside of their ability to grasp. But then the defenders of political correctness, in turn, accused me of being the one with sensitivity, since I had taken their gaslighting too seriously, and was starting to respond to it in all sorts of ways.

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On narcissists and pointlessness

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Brad McEwen

6:21 AM

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+Jennifer Armstrong That is a first hand example of not being recognized for your own views, but your point of origin. Yes. A scapegoat to project their fears onto rather than discuss solutions. Like targets who are victimized at random when it was quite possible that they made have had a diolog for advancing compassion and understanding to relieve the discomfort the perpetrators feel. Wonder if that will ever evolve to a utopian existence ?

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Jennifer Armstrong

6:26 AM

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+Brad McEwen I wrote a book to describe what I had experienced and how little I was to blame, and it was mocked and derided.  It took me about 18 years to write that book,as I was trying to be extremely scupulous as to what I said, so as not to indict or accuse anyone of anything.  Instead, the attitude I got was that I must be a narc to have spent so long trying to explain my own perspective.

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The story of the Gargoyle and the Exorcist

Examples of my father's ideologically-driven abusiveness

Schizoid & Narcissistic cultures-- the political consequences

Dogshit dream

When I left my schizoid state and first discovered emotion - YouTube

When I left my schizoid state and first discovered emotion - YouTube: Jade Haj3 hours ago

How can I learn what a shamanistic character structure is? Do you have a book or possibly a introductory upload on what it means to be shaman. I have seen your previous videos on several aspects of the shaman reasoning or process but what is the personality type, if a shaman is even a personality or type..

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Jennifer Armstrong46 seconds ago

+Jade Haj I think the shamanic structure is schizoid. African culture is also on a schizoid model, whereas contemporary Western culture embraces a narcissistic model. The difference is the schizoid type moves in and out of BEING, and can harness fantasy to explore different types of BEING. The narcissistic type takes her or her own BEING for granted, believes it to be fixed for all time (even into and from eternity) and has very limited access to fantasies that do not have to do with a social setting. The only fantasies one in a narcissistic society can have are with regard to social efficacy and power and control. The schizoid type doesn't care for these, as he is too removed from the practicality of embracing their possibility. His severe level of detachment enables him to interpret the meaning of his society and its ways psychologically from afar. When he works out what is sick or imperfect about it, he weaves in a different fantasy, to help strengthen the social fabric. He moves between life and death (BEING and NON-BEING) to come up with his answers or solutions. Those on the narcissistic model cannot do this because they cannot permit themselves to entertain even the possibility of their NONBEING. (The narc., according to the Judeo-Christian model, believes himself to be eternal.) Non-social fantasies are viewed as a form of destruction for the narcissistic type. These are because they would take the narc. away from his constant business and interaction within SOCIETY. The narcissistic type resists being remodelled, because he believes himself to be already perfect. He treats any attempt to remodel reality with suspicion. (He doesn't seem to realize that he and his model have orginally been dreamt up by the priests of the ABRAHAMIC vein.) The narc. worships the fixed nature of his SELF as the idol against which nothing else is comparable. The schizoid type barely believes in his SELF, but in any case does not imagine it to be fixed.

When I left my schizoid state and first discovered emotion

Vlog 25 Healing

That's why I listen to your videos -- we had similar upbringings, I think. Certainly when the contemporary Westerner speaks as if I had a relationship with my parents that may have had subtle shades of nuance, I think they really do not understand things. There were no subtle nuances and never have been. How I was raised was like a slightly wild animal, maybe a civet, that could not be fully trusted because it was not domesticated enough. Then as I approached adulthood, there was an attempt to break me so as to domesticate me. There were beatings and accusations that came from nowhere. Modern people would assume, and state, that surely these actions must have come from somewhere and that I must have caused them, but this was entirely untrue. I'd had no real relationship with my parents, as bears repeating, so I didn't cause it by any subtle attitude or reaction. The point of breaking me at a certain age was just to make me into a more useful animal for society. It wasn't to do with an interaction or a relationship. I find the contemporary person's insistence that there was a relationship there to be confusing and insulting.

Pain in reversing the vital sacrifices of the past

Vlog 23 Healing

As I recall my story, my situation was that my father was using me to try to prove to himself his Christian faith, in which he had grave doubts. My story about how I walked into very bad trouble can be gleaned from my recent videos. This was on the basis of the way my father had shaped my character and health (with such abuse that I no longer experienced emotions, and so that my health was undermined from within) and insisted on reinforcing these extremely damaging results with very poor advice. After I had followed his advice (to basically be a masochist) and had been bullied to within an inch of my fragile remaining emotional life and fragile physical health, my father took this as a sign that the only way to resolve this issue was by my redoubling my efforts to become even more masochistic and conforming to his principles. This was when I saw him as a back-to-front person, and realized to myself that although I didn't know the way out of my dilemma, or what was wrong or right in the world, probably I should follow the opposite of his advice with every fibre in my body, if I wanted to save myself.
Of course, outsiders, especially those sympathetic with Christianity, could not understand this, and when I vocalized that I was doing the exact opposite to what my father wanted, they joined forces with him, to prevent me from escaping from his mental and physical control.

Vlog 22 Healing

Because they believe they are such extreme geniuses, they are extremely lazy with drawing their conclusions. Whilst your text said that they can read you like a book, they really can't do that at all, but rely on material that is close at hand to seem to understand you. They may draw from others' smear campaigns, if those seem potent enough, or they will base their suppositions on conventional cultural stereotypes. What you cannot expect them to do is to start to think, because their belief in their own genius rests on them not having to make an effort to produce their result.

Abuse within authoritarian and individualistic paradigms - YouTube

Abuse within authoritarian and individualistic paradigms - YouTube: Women Of The Night7 minutes ago (edited)LINKED COMMENT

It seems in the authoritarian (as you mention, humble, obedience, submission) revolves around who are job providers and who gives money to others to live. It has nothing to do with anything else from my point of view. When there is a problem at the top with an outsider or someone on the bottom, the whole enslaved group is used to shame and guilt trip someone in any way they can. If this does not work, then physical violence and mob action are used (im pretty sure you have mentioned this). If there was no money or power involved, nobody would be out to harm someone for looking or acting different. all though Im kind of interested in a men's right viewpoint, when a woman outsider is brought into a community, the majority of the people take glee in turning her into a prostitute if possible. It is sickening. I have seen where people who do not have ancestry in certain European countries turned into drug addicts so they can become prostitutes, where certain backgrounds and hair colors are protected from becoming a prostitute. Deep inside this issue, insider men's and women's organizations run psychological operations in the community and are usually the ones who decide who gets extrajudicial punishment. When you look how some towns or cities were created in McNugget land, you see that women were kidnapped and turned into prostitutes, and travelling men were drugged, forced to sign their lives away, and ended up tied up on a government or community pirate ship to work as a servant. These incidents are just a small portion of how society is structured and how "strongholds" for a community were created. Organized men and some women running scams.

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Jennifer Armstrong33 seconds ago

+Women Of The Night Yup. The present day society still has the same dominance and submissions systems at the old ones. The difference is that the ideology of individualism prevents most people from seeing what is there, whereas in a self-acknowledged authoritarian system, the dominance and submission systems are there but with the additional obligations required of those who have power and status -- an expectation of noblesse oblige.

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