life molds us

The reason I could relate so well to the anxieties of people suffering in Zimbabwe is because my early adult life was measured in terms of an extreme angst. It lay underneath everything I did that had to be performed for public consumption. I was okay performing for my own consumption and enjoyment, however, and so turned my attentions to that. But doing something for public consumption meant trying to appeal to people who had rejected me for being a white Zimbabwean. Additionally, relating in a very soft and intimate was was not my desire, nor even a possibility, since I had learned to toughen up due to my father's hatred of me as a female adult. So there were a few things I could do, but felt uneasy about doing (performing for the public) and a few things I couldn't do, because the anxiety went too deep (being vulnerable to those whose mode of operation was too soft or weak). Such is life, and how it molds our characters.