A good post

It’s Not Me, It’s You: Children of Christian Narcissists | godless in dixie

 THE MYTH OF THE GOOD CHILDHOOD

Many of us who grew up in Christian households unknowingly experienced emotional abuse. We did not realize this at the time because in our culture some forms of emotional abuse pass for good parenting. A lot of us even believed we had good childhoods, and could not understand why we spent so many years struggling with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. Hey, my mom clothed me, fed me, gave me shelter, she sent me to school, took me to church, and made sure I was polite. I did not get beaten often, or enough to leave marks, or sexually molested. On the other hand, I also did not get my emotions validated, get praised for being the person I actually am, or get my feelings mirrored back to me by an empathic parent. I did get shamed, however, and I did get to be on the receiving end of screaming, erratic rage. I did get to be responsible for managing my mother’s emotions and acting as her therapist. I did get to be called “stupid idiot” and get criticized for everything about me, including my physical appearance, or dismissed and yelled at simply for asking questions, or expressing my individuality. But that was only on the days I was actually getting attention; the rest of the time I was completely ignored. And because being responsible for a young child with needs was an inconvenience my mother did not have the energy for, I was a burden. Mind you, this was all considered “good parenting.” And if you ask anyone who knew me then, they will tell you I was a great kid, I was happy, I had a good childhood, and my mother was a great parent who loved me. So, you know, shut the f*** up about abuse, because it did not happen, do not rock the boat. Narcissistic family systems will make this clear: We will not change…the problem is you.