Going Back | Clarissa's Blog
I was addressing two issues in the post. In one situation, which I think is not so bad now, I did speak of a very high state of anxiety, and certainly there were a sequence of traumatic events or let-downs that led to my developing that reaction.
But the paragraph you have quoted above is unrelated to this state of intolerable anything. It is actually something desirable to be on one’s toes and experiencing things as they actually happen. If one can do this and wants to do it, one should certainly opt to do so.
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Honestly: the thing that has built up anxiety over the years has been self-alienation. People imagine that I really just want to live like them, but somehow can't manage to do so. When I start to see myself from this perspective, I lose touch with myself, as well as with what I really want, and that can be extremely confusing and annihilating. I have to do a spring clean and chuck out those ideas once in a while and out they go.
But the bad thing that can happen -- the very worst thing -- is that I will start to misunderstand myself. I'm all for live and let live, but the reason I get cast out of docile communities is that I don't belong there. It's important to realize that. There are different types of people in the world. The people who want to realize a docile life for themselves always, always attack me. If I start to think, "there is something wrong with me because of this," that is when I engage with them in actively traumatising myself, which is pointless.
I suppose it really is possible just to accept that we all want different things, but the ideological framework of universalism makes this hard to grasp.
I was addressing two issues in the post. In one situation, which I think is not so bad now, I did speak of a very high state of anxiety, and certainly there were a sequence of traumatic events or let-downs that led to my developing that reaction.
But the paragraph you have quoted above is unrelated to this state of intolerable anything. It is actually something desirable to be on one’s toes and experiencing things as they actually happen. If one can do this and wants to do it, one should certainly opt to do so.
*
Honestly: the thing that has built up anxiety over the years has been self-alienation. People imagine that I really just want to live like them, but somehow can't manage to do so. When I start to see myself from this perspective, I lose touch with myself, as well as with what I really want, and that can be extremely confusing and annihilating. I have to do a spring clean and chuck out those ideas once in a while and out they go.
But the bad thing that can happen -- the very worst thing -- is that I will start to misunderstand myself. I'm all for live and let live, but the reason I get cast out of docile communities is that I don't belong there. It's important to realize that. There are different types of people in the world. The people who want to realize a docile life for themselves always, always attack me. If I start to think, "there is something wrong with me because of this," that is when I engage with them in actively traumatising myself, which is pointless.
I suppose it really is possible just to accept that we all want different things, but the ideological framework of universalism makes this hard to grasp.
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