Abusive Homeschoolers | Clarissa's Blog
I began to view my parents as childish in their conceptions of the world around 12 or 13. I'm sure I had some preliminary notions of this even earlier.
I don't know why others don't have a sense of being different from their parents in significant ways that relate to their different choices, character and less-stifled world view as a child.
There are those like Chodorow, we suppose that women as such don't really develop in this way. I don't see that, but this may be an issue of culture. Perhaps female children and their mothers often don't separate very much from their parents. I'm starting to be very wary of the strand of feminism that holds this would be a good thing.
In my case, I was given an extra boost for separation, because around puberty, the war we had been fighting suddenly ended. I have only just understood, actually by listening to a video by Alexandra Fuller, that almost nobody knew the war was going to end suddenly. The media black-out had made it seem like the Rhodesian forces were winning.
Anyway, when the war was suddenly lost, my father became very hostile and resentful toward me. It was like I had become the enemy that had made him lose the war. I still don't understand this psychology. I didn't generate it. Nothing I did changed.
But if you look at it psychoanalytically -- although not in terms of the pat formulas and conventions I have come to associate with psychoanalysis generally -- you could say he started to treat me like a masculine contender.
Actually, maybe the communists (who won) were feminized or something. So, maybe he thought I had won. He had a lot of soldier's pent-up ferocity.
I have tried to convey this, without understanding it fully, for many years -- more than a decade. All this time, I have never had one person say, "Hey, maybe he was wrong to take it out on you like that?" Actually, I correct myself. One person said that, on a similar but not directly related topic.
Nobody -- not even those calling themselves feminists -- seem to find peace when one is criticizing those in charge. Nobody wants to side with you, or make it easier.
I began to view my parents as childish in their conceptions of the world around 12 or 13. I'm sure I had some preliminary notions of this even earlier.
I don't know why others don't have a sense of being different from their parents in significant ways that relate to their different choices, character and less-stifled world view as a child.
There are those like Chodorow, we suppose that women as such don't really develop in this way. I don't see that, but this may be an issue of culture. Perhaps female children and their mothers often don't separate very much from their parents. I'm starting to be very wary of the strand of feminism that holds this would be a good thing.
In my case, I was given an extra boost for separation, because around puberty, the war we had been fighting suddenly ended. I have only just understood, actually by listening to a video by Alexandra Fuller, that almost nobody knew the war was going to end suddenly. The media black-out had made it seem like the Rhodesian forces were winning.
Anyway, when the war was suddenly lost, my father became very hostile and resentful toward me. It was like I had become the enemy that had made him lose the war. I still don't understand this psychology. I didn't generate it. Nothing I did changed.
But if you look at it psychoanalytically -- although not in terms of the pat formulas and conventions I have come to associate with psychoanalysis generally -- you could say he started to treat me like a masculine contender.
Actually, maybe the communists (who won) were feminized or something. So, maybe he thought I had won. He had a lot of soldier's pent-up ferocity.
I have tried to convey this, without understanding it fully, for many years -- more than a decade. All this time, I have never had one person say, "Hey, maybe he was wrong to take it out on you like that?" Actually, I correct myself. One person said that, on a similar but not directly related topic.
Nobody -- not even those calling themselves feminists -- seem to find peace when one is criticizing those in charge. Nobody wants to side with you, or make it easier.
No comments:
Post a Comment