And feminists, too

The Biggest Gift | Clarissa's Blog


I think the terminology makes general sense, although it could be taken too far and become reductive rather than helpful.   It's mothers who give birth, so one defines one's immanence in relation to mothers.  Traditionally fathers have eschewed closer family engagements, but have protected the boundaries of existence, so one describes one's capacity for transcendence in relation to fathers.

I have a very good mother complex, but have had a very poor father complex.   The problem was my father was extremely crazy.  He would attack whenever he sensed any sort of vulnerability, so one had to learn not to show anything he would interpret in this way, in his presence.  I tried to find other, replacement father figures, but I was not able to do so.   There's a strong inclination, in a patriarchal society, for people to take the line that whatever one's father says about one is necessarily authoritatively true.   Even "feminists" don't see beyond this, which is interesting and wholly damning in my view.

In the end, I found my father was acting out his traumas in relation to his own step-father, and in relation to his mother whom he felt abandoned by.   He was very keen to act out the way his step-father had punished him and abandoned him, by punishing and abandoning me whenever he sensed I was vulnerable.   He also addressed me, at times, as though I were his mother, and as though he were no more than three years old.  He would stand there hurling tirades of verbal abuse, which had no relation to anything I could have done, but seemed to be specific to the fact that I was female.

So that has been my situation.   Somehow it's possible to work with, and through, and ultimately beyond these psycho-dynamics,   I've managed to get to the other side of the situation, where I see the situation for what it was, without blaming myself or lamenting lost opportunities.   I'm highly innovative and know how to make even an extremely bad situation somehow serve me to a sufficient degree.  For instance, I have made my way out of having conventional expectations about people.   My character prefers the wilds, and I was able to use this pathological situation to create more wilderness for myself.  It's also been a teaching tool as to people's limits in perception, ethics and capabilities.   I do believe we are at an all time low in terms of general social maturity.  In the society I came from, people would have addressed this issue for what it was, very early on, when I brought it to their attention, rather than blaming me.   But, these days, people can' t seem to see beyond themselves.   We seem to have generally regressed, at least according to this measure.

And feminists, too.