Lauren St John, you can be part of Zimbabwe now.

From the backcover blurb of Rainbow's End: "The ending of the beautiful memoir is a fist to the stomcah as Lauren St John, now grown and living in London, realizes that she can be British or American, but she cannot be African. She can love it--be willing to die for it--but she cannot claim Africa because she is white."

It's okay, Lauren. Your sins were not that great! Your greatest one was being part of a defeated white tribe, in the core of Africa. Tribal war has always been rife in Africa, but that still doesn't mean that there is no place for the members of a defeated tribe. They don't need to depart the continent with sad expressions and their tails between their legs. Africa may not embrace you wholeheartedly -- but what did you expect?! Zimbabwe's Ndebele came in for a rougher time than any of Rhodesia's whites, even post-independence, when the farm invasions were going on. (Many of the evictees at least had weapons to try to defend themselves, and a radio warning system.) Africa can be cruel to anyone, but the key is that it's not always about colour. I'm not denying that there were moral issues at stake in Rhodesia's war, but they were not as bloated and pretentious as complacent whites living in bland Western suburbia want to make them out to be. They just can't imagine any way of living that is white and isn't bland. They think that drawing outside of the lines of white and bland is "evil" -- but it isn't. It is merely African to do so (black or white).

Africans themselves will realise that you are just part of a defeated white tribe. So, don't worry about it -- no biggy so far as the history of Africa is concerned.