People of The Lie (Part 3)

This video resonates quite a bit.  It took me a long time to figure out my family's dynamics as well as the broader political and social dynamics I found myself caught within.   It was hard to do this because I kept getting hit from all sides.  The only thing that saved me was that in general I did have an exceedingly rich childhood, so I could always fall back on that (with positive dissociation).   But my father's background was very harsh.   His father was killed in World War 2 when my father had just been born.  There was no social security system in the country for single mothers.  My father's mother remarried with expedience, but my father was not well treated by his new father.  Nonetheless I did not see much of my father growing up and when I did he was often in good spirits.  He had an evil temper, though, at times for really no reason at all.  When "we" suddenly lost the war, my father lost it with me.  He relived his childhood experience of being rejected by his own father and being forced to grow up too quickly by his mother.  Somehow he blamed me for his new set of circumstances, which involved having to uproot from the country of his birth and start over again.  He must have viewed his life as a failure at that point, because he projected his sense of failure onto me.  At the same time, sometimes he would start hissing vitriol at me like I was somebody who had all the power in the world and he was a defiant two-year old.  I was supposed to carry the family's burden of adjustment to the new culture, as I was the oldest.  I was very much out of my depth, however.  It must have slipped my parents' power of observation that I, too, was in a state of mourning, having lost eveything I used to know.   MY parents adopted a strict, fundamentalist Christian mode of belief, and my sister and I both felt my parents' wrath, as we represented the feminine principle in Christianity, which is Eve, who betrayed Adam via Satan's influence.  We received a lot of hostility, with the result that my sister took refuge in another house, but eventually converted to Christianity and I became a convinced enemy of Christian ideology.  Since all the guilt and the shame of my family's displacement from their country had been placed on me, I became the black sheep of the family.  My health began to suffer really badly from a lack of emotional nourishment as well as having to endure my father's sporadic emotional abuse.  I also couldn't find anyone to speak to about this, as nobody was prepared to listen. I got a job after University, but was targeted for workplace harrassment.   The agenda behind the orchestrated attack was to pull me down from my alleged pedestal as an alleged right-winger working in a left-wing organisation and to teach me about the harshness of life that the majority had to experience.   I was not, however, a right-winger.  and I was handling my own bad hand in life as best I could. Through this ongoing micro-management, constant "disciplinary" meetings and blame shifting, I eventually lot my health in a more severe way than before. I moved back in with my parents to save money, as I thought that being able to do that would be the only means I could springboard myself into a brighter future.  I had to try to get my digestive system to function again, as my stomach would puff up with air whenever I ate something solid. Despite my expectation that I would have enough wit and resolve to protect myself from my father's rage, or that he would respect my now obviously adult status, he occasionally invaded my privacy in physically and emotionally aggressive ways. Once again, nobody believed me or would help me. I've had to build myself up again on my own throughout the years.  I had no help from therapists or university professors, although for a time the university was a sanctuary of sanity. What is amazing is that I am even here today, and not a psychiatric or physical wreck. People tend to minimize what I have been through, but I've developed some strong defensive skills. Thanks again, for your videos.