The major difference between the culture I grew up within and the sense of the culture around me today, is that we had a higher tolerance for, and endurance of the negative aspects of living.
Today I seek out the negative from its lure where it hides away from the majority. I pursue its velvet hand in martial arts training. I seek it out from where it snores in pursuing the kind of knowledge that is hard to gain -- that is defined by experiences on the peripheries of social life.
I cannot stand the numbing creeping feeling I get when everything becomes too easy, when going with the flow seems more logical than fighting against it.
Some suggest that life for me should be easy -- that I could more easily dissolve myself into a numbing femininity with much permission, than could a male. However, such a numbing route leads to an automatic and immediate sickness for me. I lose touch with my original sense of being that way -- born into the violence of an African war. My character structure was formed by this war and by the psychological states produced by it. To lose touch too much with my origins means losing touch with myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment