Today, 12:27:58 PM– Flag – Like – Reply – Delete – Edit – Moderate Jennifer F Armstrong
One of the more embarrassing aspects of my childhood: I didn't want to be a princess, but I tried being a fairy, and I very much wanted to be an angel. The thing about being an angel is that you would become invulnerable and above all you would be able to fly. So, I made a card to God, and drew an angel on it, lest he be confused in any way about what I wanted to become. I wrote, "Dear God, please make me an angel before I wake up." I put this rather badly drawn card at the end of my bed, above my feet, and went to sleep, in faith mode, that since I had made the decision to "act on faith" and be an angel, everything I asked would come to pass. To facilitate this transition from human to angel, I practiced flapping my arms really really hard, whilst jumping. I believed that by virtue of such flapping I had managed to stay in the air about a quarter of a second longer than if I had not flapped. Such empirical evidence gave me hope that my aspiration to become an angel was not unfounded.
When I woke up the next day, however, I had not been transported. Even the card was there as if God hadn't even opened it and looked inside. I felt rather embarrassed that my gift, my petition, had been left unopened.
That was the morning of my first sneaking suspicion that God did not exist.
But it all had to do with trying to adopt one of the options available for femininity -- in a way, a kind of death.
One of the more embarrassing aspects of my childhood: I didn't want to be a princess, but I tried being a fairy, and I very much wanted to be an angel. The thing about being an angel is that you would become invulnerable and above all you would be able to fly. So, I made a card to God, and drew an angel on it, lest he be confused in any way about what I wanted to become. I wrote, "Dear God, please make me an angel before I wake up." I put this rather badly drawn card at the end of my bed, above my feet, and went to sleep, in faith mode, that since I had made the decision to "act on faith" and be an angel, everything I asked would come to pass. To facilitate this transition from human to angel, I practiced flapping my arms really really hard, whilst jumping. I believed that by virtue of such flapping I had managed to stay in the air about a quarter of a second longer than if I had not flapped. Such empirical evidence gave me hope that my aspiration to become an angel was not unfounded.
When I woke up the next day, however, I had not been transported. Even the card was there as if God hadn't even opened it and looked inside. I felt rather embarrassed that my gift, my petition, had been left unopened.
That was the morning of my first sneaking suspicion that God did not exist.
But it all had to do with trying to adopt one of the options available for femininity -- in a way, a kind of death.
2 comments:
It often happens that God sleeps when you need him to materially manifest himself to clear the doubt about his existence.For the little girl the no-show event must certainly have cultivated doubt.I can relate this with my daughter's experience this last Christmas.She was convinced that Santa would come and since the house we live in has no chimney He would improvise and descend with gifts for her and her brother.She had wrote to Santa and left the letter in the kitchen and in it stated what she wanted as a present.My wife and I had already bought presents and when we saw SANTA's letter we realised what the little girl wanted from Santa was far removed from what we had bought.She wanted a DS nitendo and we had bought Bratz dolls and this did not diminish our resolve to act Santa that night.So as she slept I tiptoed to her room and put a Xmas greeting card and the dolls neatly wrapped "and all from Santa". When my daughter woke up and saw the dolls she was not fooled.She started to question the existence of Santa.I tried to convince her that indeed he had come and instead of her chosen present he had seen it fit to give her something different.She has always liked the Bratz and I said Santa must have read her mind all the way from North Pole.My daughter said,"No. I am sure this bearded guy does not really exist after all. If he did exist and really came last night, he must have known to bring what I ordered".
Things to do with religion are the mind's ultimate test.The whole idea behind religous belief is the suspension of REASON,for if you start holding everything to test everything falls apart.
Jenn
I am more concerned with the title, as in atheism! I have often felt narrowed and boxed in by such descriptions because i think there is a lot more to the state of mind than the conclusion that one automatically becomes an atheist if they don't always readily subscribe to the idea and mentality of an almighty God! I struggle even up to now to describe my beliefe system in ways that would satisfy the standard terms.
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