All in all, it seems that the cultural and philosophical paradigm by virtue of which I am most misunderstood is ego-oriented psychology. The misunderstanding occurs in the sense that I am presumed to do things, say things and behave in the way I do, in order to get other people to accept me. In terms of this same logic, I am also supposed to say things, do things and behave in certain manners in order to compete with others on a moral level. Therefore, in every sense the meaning of my behavior and actions is presumed to reside in self-advancement.
I shall take care to clarify at this point, less I be misunderstood in an even more drastic way than the initial misunderstandings, that I do not, by any means, eschew self-advancement. I do set out to achieve it, but it is one of my values among many others. It should not be concluded, by any means, that because I eschew ego psychology, I eschew self-advancement. I reject only that ego should be the vehicle in which one advances. I reject this as a particular cultural orientation. As a practical orientation, enabling one to compete on the economic market, I give in only half marks. One can certainly, as it has been proven, compete on the market without the force of ego motivating you. The Japanese economy is evidence enough for this.
Overall, my whole orientation towards the world has been in terms of epistemological enquiry. I will do almost anything to enhance my knowledge, wherever I sense that it is lacking. I will even go so far as to look stupid, to look naïve, to present an image of failure. None of this matters very much to me, so long at the outcome is epistemological gain.
When I first encountered ego-oriented culture, at the age of fifteen, it was so very alien to me that I could make no sense of it at all. I vaguely perceived that there were popularity contests and that these were oriented around fashion sense. I felt nothing positive nor negative about this orientation towards competition through fashion. I only had an extreme feeling that the vitality had gone out of life, that there was no longer anything out there that was particularly challenging or inviting to my own style of character. I had moved from a culture that had made sense to me emotionally, to one that no longer did. To seek to make those whom I couldn't understand like me and approve of me would not have made any sense, either. It wasn't a matter of choice, or of conscious decision not to "play along". It wasn't in me to be able to relate to games that were so purely oriented around ego.
My inability to relate to this game of ego has, more than anything else in life, fueled my epistemological drive up until recently. At times, this drive to know and understand my world has been extremely intense. I've had to try to understand more for my own survival -- because, if I do not understand the "game" and whether it has a justifiable command over me -- then how am I able to survive? At other times, my epistemological quest has been driven by playfulness and stems from relative idleness.
During the happy episodes of my research, I have even forgotten that the dominant culture is so ego-oriented. Then, all of sudden, this will become clear again. Somebody will have totally misread my motivations, and I will have to wash my hands of them. Sometimes it is the abruptness in manner that will tell me I have been misread once again. At other times, it is necessary to wait longer, to hear through the grapevine about misreadings. Should these occur at too frequently or with too much intensity, it becomes necessary to move away from whatever cultural milieu one may have inadvertently entered, and back into a more intellectually driven environment. There, one can always find companionship, even across cultures.
My approach to life is rather Nietzschean. I take the good with the bad that life dishes out to me, so long as I am not forced to conform to that which is both alien and incomprehensible. I prefer to be alone rather than mingle with the herd, to obtain its approval. When I am misunderstood for this strategy, I take it as inevitable. As much as possible, though, I try to avoid life-disrupting misunderstandings.
Overall, I prefer to be alone. I like companionship with those who have similar inquisitive attitudes to life as mine. Mike is one of those types. I also like the kinds of cultural experience where ego psychology is not the norm. I can harmonise with a typical Japanese personality remarkably easily. The Zimbabwean character structure and the Japanese one are not too far apart.
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