The bully and his unconscious mind

I'm far from being someone who theorises that the unconscious mind is largely a negative force, which mitigates against civilising processes. I'm not a Freudian. Rather, I see that in many cases, the unconscious minds of others are on my side. They are capable of telling me something about the others' experiences that they would never feel free to tell me themselves.

It seems strange to say, but bullies, when they have appeared in my life, have always taught me something about the world in general, through sharing with me their world views. This is not, as I have suggested, an intentional sharing, but rather, one that always tends to happen inadvertently, and despite the self-image that the bully is trying to create.

So, in one instance, I learned from a particular bully that he had been unsatisfied in his work for 40 years. His expressed ideology might have been: "So, suffering is normal. Suck it in. We've all had to endure it." Yet, the situation we were enduring was clearly contrived to make us suffer. This particular boss could have alleviated our suffering, but he chose not to.

The contradiction of imposing suffering whilst acting as if this suffering was inevitable is expressed in the idea: "I had to suffer, so you will have to suffer as well."

This is the unconscious mind of the bully speaking, and it is on my side. It warns: "If you follow the path in life that I have followed, you will be miserable. Don't follow it by any means! Look -- I am increasing your suffering as a disincentive for you to even stick around in this workplace. Trouble resides here."

A bully, in general, makes not conforming a lot easier than conforming to the status quo. A bully is one who is exceedingly troubled by the costs that conforming to others' expectations have imposed on him. Had he had his life to live over again, he feels he ought not to have made the choices that denied him freedom. He nonetheless suspects that his character is just not strong enough to have made choices in favour of his own dignity and freedom. His suspicions about his own lack of integrity lead him to bully others. "At least, if I am not happy in myself, I have this compensation of extracting pleasure by watching others suffer," he says.

As for me, I have always learned from the bully, by what is spoken to me by his unconscious mind. That, alone, is his "true self", as Bataille has suggested. That is the goodness that remains in the bully, despite himself; the part that yearns to communicate truthfully.

"The costs I am imposing upon you now should make you think again about the path that you have chosen!" the bully says. "I care about you, as I care about the self that I ought to have fought for, but have lost. Accept this disincentive I am offering you now, which is all that remains of my capacity to speak honestly. Turn away, please. For the sake of humanity, turn away."