I used to tolerate the kinds of folk who had all sorts of other ideas about how to get along and build community, or whatnot. I used to think, these are harmless guys. I'll bend a bit for them and they'll bend a bit for me, and we'll all get along fine. I'd give some leeway to their cultural habits, and they'd maybe learn to understand that women in my culture don't like being patronized.
Over time I've learned that if someone is addressing me as "dear" or "honey", they don't care what I think at all. They want to say and do whatever it is they want, because it's their "culture", but they don't have an ear for whatever belongs to mine. Although I accept it's not the intention, they're also inclined signal to other readers that women only speak up in order to whine or to gain reassurance. It's never my intent to gain sympathy. I can stand up on my own just fine.
I can also do without disingenuous acts that only superficially display affection.
Over time I've learned that if someone is addressing me as "dear" or "honey", they don't care what I think at all. They want to say and do whatever it is they want, because it's their "culture", but they don't have an ear for whatever belongs to mine. Although I accept it's not the intention, they're also inclined signal to other readers that women only speak up in order to whine or to gain reassurance. It's never my intent to gain sympathy. I can stand up on my own just fine.
I can also do without disingenuous acts that only superficially display affection.
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