Thinking African thoughts

I recently solved all my psychological issues in a snap by accepting that I was never going to "adapt"; that is was impossible for me to adapt ever, and especially now considering my maturity in life.  Ever since then, I've had a much greater amount of energy to spend, I'm thoroughly relaxed within my skin, and I don't over-think anything.  I don't have any sense of residual guilt about anything.  

Sometimes pushing and pushing oneself doesn't work out.   There's no point in it.   You've got to do what you feel natural with; go in the directions that already feel natural.  

As I glide away from previous position, which was an attempt to try to hold onto the peripheries of Western culture, to keep open any future access points for "fitting in", I find my mental state is clearer, my goals easier to establish and fulfill.  I can talk to people without risking offending them, since I am much more at ease with myself.  Everything is working out much better, now that I've accepted I am African at root, and will never be Western and that I don't have to try.

My original quest to be "Western" was not driven from deep inner needs in the first place, but from my father's injunction that I ought to put on a false, happy face and endeavor to praise the Westerner in his existing circumstances in order to win approval and social acceptance.  Given that this was never my project to begin with, but one borne out of duty, it is very easy to give it up.

I do have a natural ease with people who are simply enjoying life and I have never aspired to be anything other than myself, except when bound by duty, so I have everything to gain by simply enjoying life on its own terms.  I enjoy it so much more this way that I have actually forgotten what my original dilemma was about.   I know I was driven into it by financial concerns, since conformity equals financial prosperity.  Apart from this skeletal knowledge, I no longer have access to my previous states.   I just think the world has opened up and it is no longer necessary to be Western anymore.   My job pleases me greatly since it involves work with another culture.  Apart from that, I move around Australia and feel African thoughts; think African ideas.  Nobody knows that I am doing so, and it seems to alleviate a lot of tension.