Like anyone else, I can hate myself sometimes -- but this is extremely rare and I see it as a passing storm. I hated myself when I was overtired and preparing for my martial arts exam. I began to think, “Who is this ape going for her martial arts exam!”
Most of the time I am too amused at some new aspect of my experience to dislike myself as such. My inner life is very, very vivid. Lately I have had a dream twice that a hotel I was staying in has been destroyed whilst I still had a room booked permanently there. I think this has to do with my final rejection of postmodernist theorizing and my realization that I had invested so much of my subjectivity in that. It feels weird. The new hotel is more complex, but not for me, and I don’t mind leaving it.
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