Shamanic violence

Also to clarify something, there are two levels of violence.  One is the shamanic process itself and the other is the fact of how my identity was malformed by trying too hard to be good and perfect.  Always, there has been an attitude that I am someone on trial who can only be accepted conditionally, but needs to be constantly policed by others acting as moralists.  And also the same moralist in my head, but even more extremely so.  So to encounter in myself all the things that others fear and to make peace with them – and I do mean specifically my white, African identity – is to encounter myself in my most creative mode.