Conventionally, bigots have two or more barriers against effective communication, especially from women. The first is “You don’t really mean what you say. You are just being emotional.” The second involves setting out to incite rage, so as to dismiss the opponent's arguments. It’s a form of emotional blackmail. Firstly, trivialise what the other is saying and secondly, wait for them to react with appropriate anger. Then you can go on to mislabel their reaction as “hysterical”.
Since sabotaging communication appears to “work” for those that like to play this game, they keep on doing it. Indeed, they will continue to do so, so long as they get any benefits -- and they will continue to get these so long as ideological mystification about women abounds. It is therefore vital to understand how widespread these tendencies of communication sabotage are; how conventional they have become.
Obviously, there should be costs for sabotaging communication. The most logical way to make somebody pay for communication sabotage is to refuse to close the communication gap between you that they had blasted open. This works for those who sabotage on a personal level. Obviously it is not the answer to larger political issues, which do need to be continually addressed in the most clear and logical ways.
In the case of someone who sabotages communication on a personal level I put them on the slow learner’s track. Let them work with the premises they have (which have already been proven not to work at all)and don’t reward the misbehavior. Either they will come around, or they won’t, but good communication has to become their responsibility.
It’s not another person's task to keep trying to communicate by rebuilding the bridge again, despite the enemy's victorious measures of communication sabotage.
Since sabotaging communication appears to “work” for those that like to play this game, they keep on doing it. Indeed, they will continue to do so, so long as they get any benefits -- and they will continue to get these so long as ideological mystification about women abounds. It is therefore vital to understand how widespread these tendencies of communication sabotage are; how conventional they have become.
Obviously, there should be costs for sabotaging communication. The most logical way to make somebody pay for communication sabotage is to refuse to close the communication gap between you that they had blasted open. This works for those who sabotage on a personal level. Obviously it is not the answer to larger political issues, which do need to be continually addressed in the most clear and logical ways.
In the case of someone who sabotages communication on a personal level I put them on the slow learner’s track. Let them work with the premises they have (which have already been proven not to work at all)and don’t reward the misbehavior. Either they will come around, or they won’t, but good communication has to become their responsibility.
It’s not another person's task to keep trying to communicate by rebuilding the bridge again, despite the enemy's victorious measures of communication sabotage.
3 comments:
The most logical way to make somebody pay for communication sabotage is to refuse to close the communication gap between you that they had blasted open.
I guess that by this statement, you mean that one should allow oneself to be angry at the conversational saboteur, and not let oneself feel guilty about having gotten angry. If that is what you mean, then I concur.
As humans, we all rely upon good communication for our sense of security and well being. Yet, some people set out to destroy the meanings of what others say, because they intend to dominate in that way. What they fail to see is that if you destroy my 'meanings', you will not know what I actually think. In some situations -- such as intimate situations, or when it is nonetheless important to understand what I think -- this can put you at a severe disadvantage overall.
Many abusers intuitively sense this. That is why they try to get you talking again. They invite you to confess what you feel, or whatnot.
Uhuh. Overcome the urge to "communicate". Don't rebuild the bridge between using your good intentions, only to connect with evil.
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