Receiving criticism

In individualistic cultures, you are taught to believe that you have a certain amount of inherent genius, AKA “potential” that has to be liberated. Instructors thus become the means to liberate that mysterious, precious, hidden capacity.

A very different way of looking at the situation -- my way -- is that each person has an inherent value, but this is not in what they can do, but in what they already are. Their ability to walk on the face of the Earth is the fundamental miracle, irrevocable and perfect in itself. Beyond this, what a person has to do is develop a skill, a field of knowledge, some capability. An instructor helps you to do that. Understanding it in this way, no matter how harsh the criticism, it ought not to impact on the ego.

This is the state of mind that I am returning to, having been brought up with it. You do need to accept your inherent value as a given, and then work on improving what is wrong. The alternative idea, of working to gratify or establish your ego, puts too much at stake and makes improvement psychologically fraught.

It’s also perfectly fine to say that something you are doing or have done is crap. It’s better than the sadomasochistic surprise when suddenly people alight upon you and proclaim that you might have thought you were great, but really you are crap. Communication opportunities shouldn't go wasted.

One of the main problems with contemporary, Western society is too much of our involvement being ego-based, rather than skill-based or knowledge-based at their core. I always want to be told how to do something, but in contemporary culture it’s always too little and then too much. There are only two roles available for anyone. You are either “the consumer” who must not be criticized, or you are the provider of a service, who can be criticized to death. There are no gradations and no other optional roles. This means if you are providing a service, say some sort of education, you don’t get to criticize those receiving the service, even if it is constructive criticism. You will lose business if you slightly overstep the lines. Service providers are afraid of taking initiatives, because they know they are being policed by the consumers. Consumers don’t really get what they are paying for, in turn, but at least they keep their egos intact.

But what about egos anyway?

In my experience, an ego can be kept intact even despite harsh criticism if the criticism is delivered in a measured fashion and with good intent.