core selves

The metaphor of coming out of one’s discomfort zone slowly is not one I can particularly relate to, as I have always, in a lot of ways, been in a state of rather high discomfort.  I have learned to distrust all self-improvement programs over the years.  And there are other reasons, too, which I won’t go into, because it takes too long and you would probably have heard much of it before.   I guess, though, a key issue is that people are structured differently psychologically, and we should bear this in mind.  If someone has a narcissistic core, as most people in the West tend to do, as they are brought up to feel they are individual competitors, then a training that teaches them to gradually move from their home base into the wide, outside world, whilst becoming more diverse and shedding their prejudices, might be very good for them.   But I have no such internal core – rather, a very diffused core.   That means I am actually best when I am a little bit prejudicial, and certainly nobody ought to advise me to gradually move away from myself even further, or to be more open-minded than I have been.  That’s because my default state is to be totally removed from myself and absolutely open-minded.  But for me that is not a good thing – and others can sense that too.

So let us think of ourselves as different kinds of planets with different mineral constitutions.  Many will have an obviously a molten core – a feature I have often encountered before.  But I have a very gaseous core.   I’m more solid on the outside than I am internally.   Therefore, moving gradually away from my inner self, or its supposedly narrow concerns, does not make any sense to me.

2.  In my case, what was damaged was not my inner core of being, but my outer levels, more pertaining to the shell.  If you imagine something like a cross section of the Earth, my inner core was in a fine condition, but the external shell -- the colder adult reaches -- were prematurely solidified and misshappen.   Actually, recently I did more work on myself.  I took some very high doses of resveratrol (the red wine extract) along with red wine itself.   This seems to have changed me in some way.  I feel more like the Buddha and can pass situations by that do not appeal to me, without having to fend them off.   So, I've expanded my capacity to cope with more diverse situations, including boring or unappealing ones. I suspect this will make me into a better workhorse when it comes to applying myself to such things as really getting a handle on my martial arts syllabus (which is quite boring to learn because it's very repetitious).

About object relations versus the superego development, another way of looking at it might be that the inner core relates to object relations, whereas the outer shell is superego.  When the problem seems related to a very early stage of development, it is not an issue of pushing the limits, or expanding the outer shell (Bataille's project overall).  That's a problem more to do with people like me, who had a very authoritarian upbringing, which cast me into a form where I complied too strictly with gender roles.  For me, fantasy counteracts this strictness, and is a release valve.   For others, fantasy is a disruptive force and is uncomfortable.  Needless to say, Bataille's destruction fantasies are not for everyone.

The shamanic concept of "soul loss" does seem to address things from an object relations viewpoint, with the idea that sad or frightening experiences can cause parts of the psyche to wall themselves off and seem to shut down.  One has to gently move into those deadened areas, with the assistance of a shaman.