inner resources

Even when left alone, it wasn't so much left alone as I kept this attachment. It's what I mean by not being allowed to grow up. 

I see.  I guess in a way I had the opposite experience as in the feeling that there ought to be a sky above me (a firm enough system of authority) that guarantees people will behave in a trustworthy manner, or else I will fall apart.  In your case, your concern may be a lack of ongoing, reassuring nurturing.

In my case, a lot of things I tried to do were sabotaged -- either by history, or by individuals or by groups of people.  So, Now I don't really trust that if I lean against a situation and make it accept my whole weight, the floor will not open up so that I fall through it.  I've had that experience often enough.

I wonder if in your case, you are not just waiting for the nurturing mother, but also waiting for her to betray you, by taking up your space and making it all about her.  Betrayal on this level might seem warm and nurturing, but is she was taking up the space you needed for your adult self, that was not good at all.  Maybe if many of your inner resources were not directed to your mother, you would have been able to use those resources on yourself.