DUTY is different from ENTHUSIASM and takes a different channel

There is a similarity between “calls” and “callings”, because not everybody can speak to everyone.  So it is important to know who you can speak to and who you cannot.  If you do not have a deep urge inside of you to communicate with certain types of people, I think that it is worse than counterproductive to try to do so.

 

That is why it is very important to learn who one is.  Now I tried to make a video yesterday, but it was very noisy (Mike was playing music very loudly) and I was trying to think and couldn’t capture my ideas effectively enough, except as a draft.   Also I was extremely tired yesterday (and still a bit today).   But what I wanted to say (and what I will do better, once I get the energy) is that I am now much more aware that the kind of person I am is not very interesting in infecting people who are motived primarily by excitement with greater enthusiasm.   I’m very negative in that department.   I understand the principles – but I am a worse than bad communicator if I try to come across as all energetic and enthused about some new fad.  That is because my basic character is oriented toward duty, (which can be enjoyable too – and kind of Apollonian in your sense).  But I’m not this frenzied kind of energetic communicator.  So I don’t have CALLING to communicate with such people who expect that and I actually (more tellingly) cannot make the CALLS they recognize or come to expect.  If I try, I make a false noise – and then people say I am trying to endear myself by being false.  Which isn’t at all true.  I was complying with external expectations in the line of duty, and just lacked motivation and capacity.

 

So I’m better if I rest on my own weight, even if that is sometimes lacking in some ways.  My own weight is to be circumspect about the calls of duty.   I CAN be expansive within the range that this principle allows.   But I am not – you know – like the aerobics instructor, or the faddish person that writes a bestseller like “Eat, Pray, Love”.  I don’t have that in me.  Like you, I am more of a theoretician than an actor or performer.  I’m also, in a deep way, a scientist, because I like to observe reactions and then tweak them, often from a relatively safe distance.

 

So, anyway, the video was supposed to be about my calling, and I will have to make it again, when I am not so tired.