Vlog 90

With regard to the development of "Stockholm Syndrome", I didn't have that, but there were years and years I went through where my father was reliving his childhood trauma of feeling abandoned by his mother, and for me this was the torture of having a small child crying in the background all the time, withut my being able to help. I absolutely couldn't explain this to others because we live in a narcissistic society, and my obervations were put down to distortions on my part (as if this could be something I might benefit from, if I were to have made the whole thing up). I felt very distressed (and extremely justifiably angry) at the abuse I was also getting from him, as he used to fly into a rage whenever I needed him to support me and act like a parent. At the same time I didn't have the energy to become his mother -- which is what the whole of society was pushing me toward trying to be. Consequently, I felt really, really guilty for the whole situation. In the mean time, it seems there was a story being circulated that I was actually the abusive one and problem child. I had to cope with people treating me as if I were a narcissist, and as if I couldn't tolerate any small thing, when in fact what I had been putting up with was enormous. In my case too, I had to be extemely resourceful not to go insane, especially after I was betrayed again and again by people I looked to as those who should have been able to support me.