Morality lessons

So they captured me and put me on their boat -- me with my sunflower head and they with their advanced industrial culture. "You must learn new ways," said the Odysseuses. "We insist!"

I was alone and away from my home. What other option did I have, but to oblige them?

Odysseus Number 1 was more insistent than the others: "You are to refer to me as Nobody, as I have previously mentioned," he said. "You are to learn new cultural ways. Advanced format."
It was not sociable to yearn for my cave, and yet I did at this point. How could I learn new cultural ways at this advanced stage in my life? Yet all of them insisted. "Row for us and we will explain. Unique individualism. Fine format," they uttered in unison.

I wanted to know more. These people were truly mysterious. Perhaps they could help me after all, just as I was willing to lend my services to them?

The suggestion that I was willing to go along with their mysterious plan seemed to make them smile -- in unison.

"First we teach you advanced cultural way," they said. Then: "THWACK!" One of them had hit me upside the head. "This will help you to learn quickly," he added for my reassurance.

Since I really wanted to learn from them, pain was no object for me. I would learn as quickly or as slowly as they required.

"Advanced cultural way. Number one lesson. Your culture is very evil. You too!" screeched the one whom I had dubbed Odysseus 7.

I agreed with him implicitly. What else was I to do?

Contemporary ways and up-to-date morality were the first few things I knew I had to learn.

"THWACK!!!" came the warning stick, lest my attentions were being driven from the task at hand.

"Number one lesson. You are colonial practitioner. We disagree this practice in contemporary era!!" yelled the Odysseuses in my cauliflower ear.

"THWACK, THWACK!" came the stick, teaching me another resounding lesson.

"We have high minds," whispered one of the Nobodies in my ear, consoling me that all the torture would pay off finally.

"We can't stand evil in our midst," admitted another, sounding vaguely Dickension. I wondered, though, whether or not he might be crying crocodile tears for me.

"We believe in higher moral practices," consoled a third. "It's only right. We are willing to take you in and admit that you are the same as us, but there are just a few rules you have to abide by, first."

'THWACK" came the stick again -- reminding me that we were not back on the island any more. Here were people with true values to profess. I was encountering the internal shock of my first real encounter with serious people of real moral fervour.

These people meant well, but there was surely something strange about their manner. I wanted to know more about them and their ways.

"We have gentler, better ways of organising ourselves," said one of the creatures, matter of factly. Your ways are comparatively crude and barbaric. Ours are advanced, intelligent, and highly intellectual, too."

I thought that what this Odysseus said to me must be true, if only because he sounded so sincere about it.

"Tell me more!" I insisted.

(A smile came over their collective face.)

"We'll teach you how to leap when we say leap," they said. "However, this will take some time!"