Self-Esteem Gradations « Clarissa's Blog
I must say that, not discounting that there is a psychological dimension to self esteem, I see it primarily as a cultural issue. I’ve had too many strange encounters with the Western ideology of self esteem to be able to feel confident with it.
For instance, issues which are not related to self-esteem, but are practical issues, are often deemed to be self esteem issues. Self-esteem becomes a magic formula, whereby the more you increase it, the better you are supposed to do.
I’ve found this ideology to be totally counter to my actual needs. For a very long time, I tried to cater to the idea that I had to be very careful about how I spoke to people, as I might damage their fragile self esteem. This made me tongue-tied, emotionally numb and resentful. I had no idea how to speak to those sorts of people whom I thought might be susceptible to complaining about my too-direct ways. (My original culture is extremely stoical and inclined to black humour.)
Then I got the job I now have. I expected to be walking on egg shells, but nobody had the self-esteem ideology, and everything progressed okay. After several years, I eventually learned that the people I was talking to had not only a similar sort of stoicism to me, but a dry sense of humour. This makes me very comfortable indeed.
I think my stoicism and black humour often appear incomprehensible to people, and before I realised there were cultural differences, I didn’t exercise enough caution with them. Stoicism and humour are absolutely fundamental to my personality, so I can’t really deny them without really having a personality to offer. Interestingly enough, when I spent a very short stint in the military, I encountered exactly the same stoicism and black humour together in one place, and this made me ecstatically happy.
My current job has also reassured me that I’m absolutely normal — that so long as a weird ideology does not intervene, all people really require is to be treated in a sincere way. It’s when self-esteem becomes emphasized as an issue that everything goes to pieces, as the underlying characters of those involved become difficult to discern.
I must say that, not discounting that there is a psychological dimension to self esteem, I see it primarily as a cultural issue. I’ve had too many strange encounters with the Western ideology of self esteem to be able to feel confident with it.
For instance, issues which are not related to self-esteem, but are practical issues, are often deemed to be self esteem issues. Self-esteem becomes a magic formula, whereby the more you increase it, the better you are supposed to do.
I’ve found this ideology to be totally counter to my actual needs. For a very long time, I tried to cater to the idea that I had to be very careful about how I spoke to people, as I might damage their fragile self esteem. This made me tongue-tied, emotionally numb and resentful. I had no idea how to speak to those sorts of people whom I thought might be susceptible to complaining about my too-direct ways. (My original culture is extremely stoical and inclined to black humour.)
Then I got the job I now have. I expected to be walking on egg shells, but nobody had the self-esteem ideology, and everything progressed okay. After several years, I eventually learned that the people I was talking to had not only a similar sort of stoicism to me, but a dry sense of humour. This makes me very comfortable indeed.
I think my stoicism and black humour often appear incomprehensible to people, and before I realised there were cultural differences, I didn’t exercise enough caution with them. Stoicism and humour are absolutely fundamental to my personality, so I can’t really deny them without really having a personality to offer. Interestingly enough, when I spent a very short stint in the military, I encountered exactly the same stoicism and black humour together in one place, and this made me ecstatically happy.
My current job has also reassured me that I’m absolutely normal — that so long as a weird ideology does not intervene, all people really require is to be treated in a sincere way. It’s when self-esteem becomes emphasized as an issue that everything goes to pieces, as the underlying characters of those involved become difficult to discern.
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