Modest hormonal fluctuations, with sometimes deeper dips, are my lot since the IUD insertion in late April. I used to be able to ride the hormonal waves better than I'm doing now. I used to use them as creative highs and lows. The highs give you a chance to see the world from a position of ecstasy, whereas the lows remind you of the nature of hell, where humans are at their most heroic battling dragons.
Now everything is more even. There's some instability, at a level just below sea level. I'm not as focused or ambitious as I normally am. The low level pain is not the issue -- I'm just not riding waves the way I used to, which means I can't experience my dexterity or plan ahead or feel fully in control.
It is important for me to ride waves with skill. I pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for a job well done. I like that sense of taking pleasure in my capabilities. It's a doubling of self that gives me insight.
Now everything is more even. There's some instability, at a level just below sea level. I'm not as focused or ambitious as I normally am. The low level pain is not the issue -- I'm just not riding waves the way I used to, which means I can't experience my dexterity or plan ahead or feel fully in control.
It is important for me to ride waves with skill. I pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for a job well done. I like that sense of taking pleasure in my capabilities. It's a doubling of self that gives me insight.
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