///6/// insight

Lynette was my appointed as my mentor and "friend".  It's hard to feel much of anything when even your friends are appointed for you.  In a way you could stretch out your arms and poke right through her, because in a way she didn't actually exist. I'd been poked towards her by insipid fingers of the Rhodesia Association. These were the remnants of our former civilisation, the soft-hearted ones that felt no other recourse was possible other than starting their own version of the salvation army. Thus we received a couple of old chairs and tables from them, and contact with a more firmly established family, which happened to included Lynette.

The point of being a Rhodesian was to go to church and to have various meeting on the too-green lawns underneath our old flag. The reality was that these "WHEN-WEs" had migrated all too many years before us. Their flag was not my flag, although it might have been my parents flag still, I'm not sure. My recent habit was to burst into my most tuneful rendition of Ishe Komborera Africa, at all times to and home from school, in order to will away the tar roads and the concrete pavements. I whistled this often and relentlessly and felt more soulful. It was the national anthem of the new Zimbabwe.

But here we were again, under the old flag, whisked back in time to an experiential consciousness where little white folk held onto the broken driftwood of their once proud ship. And here I was at their Salvation Army, watching my parents sorting through the junk. Which of the junk did we need? It wasn't a question of want for the ascetic bald-headed guy that sorted through the rubble.

It was imperative to go to church, though. That way we would meet new faces and contacts that would help us to adapt to life. Church in Australia was a lot like the evening news -- it was all about having fun. There would be no mention of 'so-and-so has been killed in combat. Security forces regret to announce..." It was more like some man had lost his dog, but there is was, in front of him again! Church had the same feeling. It was all about rubbing up against each other and the good feelings that could bring. We pledged to take a stand and take Australia to the Lord. It was fun and left me feeling wistful. It was like Ishe Komborera all over again: "I'd like to pledge my feeling that the world come to experience a bit of Africa."

But that wasn't the only church we went to. First we went to Lynette's church. It was at this church that she had a conversation with me, and I didn't feel a thing. It was like a could have pulled my arm out and stuck it through her. She said, "Do you want to sit down?" and I felt I didn't, since I wanted to race around the countryside to find mountains and trees to climb, and to play practical jokes. So we sat down, and she said, "So how are you managing?" and I didn't know the meaning or the context of the word. I asked her, "what?" and she said, "Are you able to adapt to your life in Australia?" And I didn't realise that it was supposed be my project. It seemed like a rather mean little project, like completing one's homework in time, which I hadn't agreed with anyone to do.

"It's okay," I said, remembering my dad's advice to always tell Australians that you are pleased with whatever you find.

She turned her attention to something else. "Ooh, look there's Minette, with such a lovely pretty little dress. Don't you admire it?"

There was nothing here to feel.  I felt nothing.

It was now the after sermon tea. We'd listened long and hard to the pale-faced Baptist go on and on and on about the book of Joshua. The high point had been his mention of Joshua Nkomo, one of the liberation leaders now in government. However, it turned out that he hadn't been talking about anybody important, but the idea of some old testament prophet wandering around the local suburb. Como. So he had seemed to be talking about something, but in the end he was talking about nothing.

I tried hard, but couldn't find much of the insight I was desperate to gain, from looking at a pretty dress.  The search for genuine knowledge occupied me from this point forth.