Let A stand for mother love and close proximity to others, whereas B will be more closely aligned to the symbolic masculine position, which is away from the community and on its boundaries, perhaps (in historical terms) protecting the camp from wild animals. In its extremes, B stands for the wilderness itself and A stands for civilized modes of relating.
In terms of how we find ourselves in relation to A and B, I think they are morally neutral in and of themselves. No preference for one or the other has any moral meaning in itself.
But I think what may be more important is the way that the relationship between A and B are symbolized in our heads. I am getting to a Freudian point. Perhaps for a male being pushed away from the embrace of the mother (A) is a very painful experience? It's not A itself that is desired, but to relive that experience of a more gradual transition from A to B - one which is less damaging?
In my case, I really only feel healthy and fully myself when I am very close to B. I am suffocated when in A, and in truth I have not found a way to exist in language. In fact, sometimes I seem to mutilate language to take my revenge. I want to put it at a disadvantage, so that it doesn't grab hold of me.
The wilderness, where I have fully separated is the only state that has full meaning for me. But because I am female, people have constantly treated me as if I were more comfortable with A, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of my being, not to mention my goals and desires. I am never happier than when I am cast out of society and left to fend for myself. Too much mother love robs me of my being.
If A and B are feminine and masculine modalities respectively, one has to keep both of them, to not deny one's full humanity.
A certain scenario that keeps playing out, where people want to punish me by denying me access to the community, and inadvertently (on their parts), they liberate me. Whenever someone tries to make me see that I am not conforming to the community's mores, the more I realize that I had only been conforming in a half-assed, rather unconscious way from the beginning, but that this had never been my actual desire. Their anger liberates me from that which was never really in me to begin with.
I suppose, in a way, what A does not have, which B has, is a sense of eternity. A tries to keep me focused on the details, like doing needlework when I am dripping with sweat and my eyes are half-blind. I can't see anything beyond the details, but I can't really experience them fully and their presence overwhelms me.
In the mode of B, my eyes gaze out to the horizon and beyond. There is no threat I am not already equipped to handle. When I give up on A, it is like throwing away a mutilated being, like a child I never wanted. I am relieved to be rid of an externally imposed burden.
In terms of how we find ourselves in relation to A and B, I think they are morally neutral in and of themselves. No preference for one or the other has any moral meaning in itself.
But I think what may be more important is the way that the relationship between A and B are symbolized in our heads. I am getting to a Freudian point. Perhaps for a male being pushed away from the embrace of the mother (A) is a very painful experience? It's not A itself that is desired, but to relive that experience of a more gradual transition from A to B - one which is less damaging?
In my case, I really only feel healthy and fully myself when I am very close to B. I am suffocated when in A, and in truth I have not found a way to exist in language. In fact, sometimes I seem to mutilate language to take my revenge. I want to put it at a disadvantage, so that it doesn't grab hold of me.
The wilderness, where I have fully separated is the only state that has full meaning for me. But because I am female, people have constantly treated me as if I were more comfortable with A, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of my being, not to mention my goals and desires. I am never happier than when I am cast out of society and left to fend for myself. Too much mother love robs me of my being.
If A and B are feminine and masculine modalities respectively, one has to keep both of them, to not deny one's full humanity.
A certain scenario that keeps playing out, where people want to punish me by denying me access to the community, and inadvertently (on their parts), they liberate me. Whenever someone tries to make me see that I am not conforming to the community's mores, the more I realize that I had only been conforming in a half-assed, rather unconscious way from the beginning, but that this had never been my actual desire. Their anger liberates me from that which was never really in me to begin with.
I suppose, in a way, what A does not have, which B has, is a sense of eternity. A tries to keep me focused on the details, like doing needlework when I am dripping with sweat and my eyes are half-blind. I can't see anything beyond the details, but I can't really experience them fully and their presence overwhelms me.
In the mode of B, my eyes gaze out to the horizon and beyond. There is no threat I am not already equipped to handle. When I give up on A, it is like throwing away a mutilated being, like a child I never wanted. I am relieved to be rid of an externally imposed burden.
No comments:
Post a Comment