a-synchronicity

I find that if I do not study, I have disturbingly empty dreams that haunt me with their emotional numbness. I must study to feel refreshed in the mornings. I find that reading about the Zimbabwe Situation does not fulfil the requirement of my subconscious to digest many interesting things. Instead, it fills me with a feeling of impotence at the subconscious level. I find that sending little treats and nothings on facebook provides the contents of my dreams as air and fluff. I had a dream last night that somebody was leaning against me, pressing against me, which I allowed having transmuted into motherhood and femininity, perhaps at last. Oh the descent into nothing, of building blocks and playing toys, of supine ignorance, of favours rendered through turning oneself into stone.

I remember having the same or similar sensations as a child when I was forced to travel across Britain. Not enough material for my brain to chew on led to an abiding nausea, soon the plunging into a ferocious 'flu, and my mind empty, its cogs spinning in the thin air, causing me to be the tyrant that my parents feared.

I'm reading on Jung's theory of synchronicity now, heavily between the lines (tracing a metatext of thought and modes of logic), since it would surprise me not if Marechera had applied such theory to his works. I would not read Jung otherwise, and I am reading now as a matter of diligence, knowing that Marechera read him. Also, despite myself and my preference for an empirical basis in knowledge, I perceive a kind of magic flair in Marechera's literature, which is not quite expliquable in terms of current literary theory. He brings, I think it is true to say, his own cultural background of animism and a superstitious dread of the supernatural, into his work as literary aspects. Thus the theory of synchronicity rings true -- but only by means of the palpable evidence of my own subjective sense of seeing flashes of a fourth dimension whilst reading Marechera's writing.

Dear oh dear.