Psych. . . What? | Clarissa's Blog
Indeed, I have made a self-analysis on my own, but it takes many years and much bumping into things. I very much doubt that any progress could have been made by others who operate only within the context of modernity. But my strange feature of the personality is to become a very different person when people make strong emotional or contradictory demands of me. I become in a mode of being at war, which is not surprising considering the context of my upbringing. I can easily conjure up those parameters for psychological existence — saving energy, hiding in the scrub (not revealing one's whereabouts), repressing intense emotion, calculating the principles of one's survival.
Lately I’ve discovered this mode of psychology, the psychology of the extremes, is fundamental to my well-being. When I move into this state, I can process existential material very easily and effectively and make all the right decisions for myself, including moving closer to some people and cutting emotional ties with others. I’m very strong in this mode of expedience, which makes me a aware of different aspects of my personality, under pressure.
Now, the probable reason I have this capability is my father’s violence. He used to fly at me and hit me or attack in other ways. Thing is, I must have formed an adaptation to it in my very early years. It’s not maladaptive for coping with extreme situations, although it may be so in terms of modernity, as I sometimes read situations that are not yet extreme as if they were so and move very quickly between a normal and defensive state.
After many decades, I have concluded these things about myself. I understand there are pros and cons to having this kind of a character. It makes me unsuited to much of modernity as I take too much far too seriously -- but then I have the power of the depth of insight to go deeply into myself and kind of melt down in such a way that enables me to cope extremely effectively with a new crisis. I’m highly adapted to any sort of crisis, partly because I can emotionally cut off, whilst clarifying practical issues.
This analysis is in accordance with my behavior and introspective findings over three or more decades. As I said, it would have been hard for people not familiar with my autobiographic background to be able to put the pieces together as I have done. As well as this, there is a pronounced tendency on the part of those who only know modernity to pathologize my behavior without understanding its adaptive and enriching possibilities. I understand these myself, from experience, so I don’t intend to flatten myself out and try to become like everybody else.
Indeed, I have made a self-analysis on my own, but it takes many years and much bumping into things. I very much doubt that any progress could have been made by others who operate only within the context of modernity. But my strange feature of the personality is to become a very different person when people make strong emotional or contradictory demands of me. I become in a mode of being at war, which is not surprising considering the context of my upbringing. I can easily conjure up those parameters for psychological existence — saving energy, hiding in the scrub (not revealing one's whereabouts), repressing intense emotion, calculating the principles of one's survival.
Lately I’ve discovered this mode of psychology, the psychology of the extremes, is fundamental to my well-being. When I move into this state, I can process existential material very easily and effectively and make all the right decisions for myself, including moving closer to some people and cutting emotional ties with others. I’m very strong in this mode of expedience, which makes me a aware of different aspects of my personality, under pressure.
Now, the probable reason I have this capability is my father’s violence. He used to fly at me and hit me or attack in other ways. Thing is, I must have formed an adaptation to it in my very early years. It’s not maladaptive for coping with extreme situations, although it may be so in terms of modernity, as I sometimes read situations that are not yet extreme as if they were so and move very quickly between a normal and defensive state.
After many decades, I have concluded these things about myself. I understand there are pros and cons to having this kind of a character. It makes me unsuited to much of modernity as I take too much far too seriously -- but then I have the power of the depth of insight to go deeply into myself and kind of melt down in such a way that enables me to cope extremely effectively with a new crisis. I’m highly adapted to any sort of crisis, partly because I can emotionally cut off, whilst clarifying practical issues.
This analysis is in accordance with my behavior and introspective findings over three or more decades. As I said, it would have been hard for people not familiar with my autobiographic background to be able to put the pieces together as I have done. As well as this, there is a pronounced tendency on the part of those who only know modernity to pathologize my behavior without understanding its adaptive and enriching possibilities. I understand these myself, from experience, so I don’t intend to flatten myself out and try to become like everybody else.
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