Vlog CCCLIII

Mid-life crisis -- indeedy. I have been trying to make sense of the life I had to fight to have, defensively, because of wave upon wave of narcissists. As I resolve the issue of having had different parts of my self shattered, and needing to find a way to consolidate the different parts, I am going back and further back into the original script or programming of my upbringing and first fifteen years of life. These were solid. (I didn't know as much as I do now, but psychologically at any rate these were very, very solid years.) What contemporary Westerners have tried to teach me about how I ought to behave has generally been proven wrong by the evidence that what they say in fact doesn't work for me. It's time to stop gambling with the risk of being pulled apart by doing this or that arbitrary thing with the understanding that this is "adaptation".
It's time to draw back everything into the original whole.