initiatory knowledge

I’ve never sought normality or social grounding so much as an initiatory experience — something that would move me from fuzzy experience into palpable reality. I think I’ve always sought that. At least, from my early twenties, I always sensed that this was missing. I no longer do, however, since I’ve pushed myself to my limits psychologically and perhaps physically. I definitely felt the G-force psychologically, so I am satisfied with that — that I am completely brave and worthy of my approval. This is what matters, in the end. If you haven’t tested yourself, you are still inclined to ask others for their views on you, to try to ground yourself in that way. That’s a horrible thing to do to oneself.

Having gained this emotional self-knowledge, I have completed the most significant task required from an individual, in their lifetime.