Hidden psycho-dynamics:not everything is as it seems

I  don't have any problem being corrected on any point, so long as the dynamics are not sado-masochistic. If they are, I have every problem in the world with it. Actually, as I have mentioned before (and after this I will stop speaking on these subjects as it is truly time to move on) I was caught up in some really weird psychological dynamics which related to the Christian impetus to civilize the world. This is all so complicated to explain. I would have thought it would be obvious to everyone else, but looking back it seems one never really knows the dynamics one is caught up in until much later. The logic of colonial Christianity was never made explicit to me, but I internalized some of its implicit logic and had some of it imposed on me, even after I had only half-interalized the whole. And what the whole was embodied an implicit notion of hierarchy with the white adult male at the top followed by the white adult female followed by white children, followed by the black male, followed by the black women and their children. That much can be obvious, but what was not so clear to me was the manner in which this political scheme was internalized psychologically. It had to do with the ability to speak English.

Consequently when one wants to assert one’s place in the hierarchy, one points out that others cannot speak English as well as one can. Perhaps the white man is very poised and skilful but the white woman is a bit hysterical and the black man gets his English muddled up with his Shona and so on.

When I did get an education — a Bachelor of Arts — and then floundered as I experienced some workplace bullying (because I was from Africa), my father took the opportunity, at that time, to assert his position in the hierarchy by stating that I could not even speak English properly. He pulled rank, according to the colonial order, since as a white male his status ought to have been higher than mine, even though I was university educated and he was not.

Since that time I’ve always been alert to sado-masochistic dynamics of this sort, where people attempt a similar manouever. I find it very sad and I refuse to teolerate people who do this.