Vlog 53 Healing

I knew one guy -- very, very narcissistic, who self-victimised. I still don't know the story behind it. I know people in his general circle began behaving strangely toward me, ignoring much of what I was saying, or in some cases suddenly excusing themselves in an abrupt manner when I took too long responding to what they were saying. If we consider the narcissist's inner world, it could have been that this fellow was trying to tell others that my own inner world was like his, full of false objects, and that I should be curtly dismissed. In fact what was really happening is I'd experienced some mental bruising from the treatment of this same fellow, and was reverting to a tongue-tied schizoid state, not knowing what people wanted from me anymore. But this strange guy had a different narrative, most certainly, since he dissolved into an incoherent rage and accused me of "projecting" something. As my real cognitive style is very slow and inclined toward self-doubt and triple-checking, I am not one who projects. I have a cognitive style that remains a very long time in a mode of uncertainty, but this is the exact opposite of a cognitive style that projects anything to resolve its inner conflicts. A conflict causes me to socially withdraw until I've adequately resolved it.