Vlog 23 Healing

As I recall my story, my situation was that my father was using me to try to prove to himself his Christian faith, in which he had grave doubts. My story about how I walked into very bad trouble can be gleaned from my recent videos. This was on the basis of the way my father had shaped my character and health (with such abuse that I no longer experienced emotions, and so that my health was undermined from within) and insisted on reinforcing these extremely damaging results with very poor advice. After I had followed his advice (to basically be a masochist) and had been bullied to within an inch of my fragile remaining emotional life and fragile physical health, my father took this as a sign that the only way to resolve this issue was by my redoubling my efforts to become even more masochistic and conforming to his principles. This was when I saw him as a back-to-front person, and realized to myself that although I didn't know the way out of my dilemma, or what was wrong or right in the world, probably I should follow the opposite of his advice with every fibre in my body, if I wanted to save myself.
Of course, outsiders, especially those sympathetic with Christianity, could not understand this, and when I vocalized that I was doing the exact opposite to what my father wanted, they joined forces with him, to prevent me from escaping from his mental and physical control.