Thursday's Child2 hours ago (edited)LINKED COMMENT
I hope you remembered to carry a crop. A decorative accessory, but it does make for a sharp turnout. 😏 Yes, _no_thing. I can relate exactly. Singled out and scorned as "privileged" but disadvantaged in every way. Every way. It was like starving in isolation, or in an empty room so glaringly stark white that the walls and corners are indistinguishable from the floor. It was the opposite of privilege including the privilege of access to knowledge. And I was innocent and unself-aware. No more. I have the beginning of an idea about the scapegoating. Cogitating.
1
It's shocking to have such a discrepancy between one's actual experience and what it is taken to be. It makes so many things much more difficult when people will not even sit down with you and ask what one actually has experienced or what one needs. Instead they inform you that you have experienced something different, and that now you need to cater to THEIR emotional needs and give them what they need. I remember thinking, "How is that even done?" It's an impossibility! I am supposed to be, now, in the role of a giver, and give emotionally, when I am empty, fraught and terrified. I am supposed to prove that I have a right to exist by denying my own needs and never talking about them again. But that is impossible. To try to do so makes one sickly and incapable of addressing anything at hand. And yet I kept trying. And kept failing.
And when I failed, guess what they said? I wanted to fail, to draw attention to myself.
In fact until very recently I could not understand the depravity of someone who would say this. They must be totally without conscience, without any trace of self-awareness.
I kept going over and over it in my head. This is how depraved people really are.
They demand things, whilst taking away what you need to achieve them. They insist you prove your earnestness again and again. When the tools they have given you fail you, they string you up and accuse you of willing to fail your onlookers, because you couldn't give them the perfect public spectacle.
That's not just sick. That is sickness taken to a whole other level.
And when I failed, guess what they said? I wanted to fail, to draw attention to myself.
In fact until very recently I could not understand the depravity of someone who would say this. They must be totally without conscience, without any trace of self-awareness.
I kept going over and over it in my head. This is how depraved people really are.
They demand things, whilst taking away what you need to achieve them. They insist you prove your earnestness again and again. When the tools they have given you fail you, they string you up and accuse you of willing to fail your onlookers, because you couldn't give them the perfect public spectacle.
That's not just sick. That is sickness taken to a whole other level.
